NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
