I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
