my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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