So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
