I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
