I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
