peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
