Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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