yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
How's work?
Spinning.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
