i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
