All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
there is puke in my bra ... again
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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