Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
