dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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