Got a toothbrush?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
