Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize