Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
