I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
