I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
