so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
