dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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