pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
