And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
