he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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