R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
