you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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