I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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