new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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