Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
