Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
