we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
