It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
