Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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