Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
