so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
