Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
