I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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