Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize