Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We don't watch enough power rangers
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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