I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
