i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
