absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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