thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
