wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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