your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think people are normalizing furries
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
