i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
