i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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