i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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