I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
