The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
