you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
