Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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