I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
