and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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