My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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