she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
