My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
