Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
