If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
