I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
