Your mouth is God's brothel.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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