I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
