You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
