He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
