So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
