We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you had me at cake vodka
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
