so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
