In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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