i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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