white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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