1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
