can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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