I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
