Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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