Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
