Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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