I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
