then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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