I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i've created a new STD.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
