I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
