but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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