Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
