i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
